The latest in dating tips, trends and the singles scene.
Coaching Topic Of The Month
Lately I’ve been hearing a lot from my clients about missed opportunities. They tell me they’d like to see their matches for a second date, but then there is no follow-up, or the follow-up is so much later that momentum is lost. Sometimes I wish our IJL team had the ability to schedule second and third dates for our clients because there are so many cases when opportunity is lost because someone let work/travel/kids/etc. get in the way. Reality check: it’s usually because you’ve let those things get in the way that you are still single!
I get it, your time is precious and you only want to make an effort to see someone again if you’re really excited about it. But there is so much more to a person than an hour drink on a weeknight. What if you pass up someone really special because you didn’t make the full effort to get to know him/her? Dating is about keeping an open mind, and if you see even a little potential with someone, you owe it to yourself to see it through!
Here are the top three mindsets when it comes to follow-up dates that DO NOT lead to success:
The grass is always greener…right?
Dating is about pursuing many options to see who is the best fit. But one mistake I see many clients make is they’ll have a fantastic date early on in their membership – but then choose not to act on it because they want to see what other matches we have for them first. The problem with that is when, for example, a male client calls me up after going on 5 introductions and decides he wants to see his second match again, but he’s long lost her number and it’s been 4 months. This exact incident happened last week and she declined to reconnect, because obviously she felt like an afterthought after 4 months of silence. This is why it’s so important that if you have a good date, make an effort to see that person again as soon as possible (as in, within a week).
Texting is the easiest way to connect
Texting is a wonderful invention that makes all of our lives so much easier. For those of you who love to communicate constantly via text, you will not like what I’m about to say, which is, stop texting. Not in general, but when it comes to dating. Nothing says “I’m going to put as little effort as possible into pursuing you” as a text that says “Hey, what’s up?” Technology has made communication passive and impersonal. If you want to see a person again, call them on the phone! That’s right, have a verbal conversation! Crazy! You’ll set yourself apart if you’re the one that always calls instead of texts. And men – women will definitely appreciate the extra effort.
I didn’t feel a spark so I probably won’t follow-up
There is no denying, chemistry is huge. It’s intangible and something we can’t match on – you either feel it or you don’t. If we had the magical recipe for creating chemistry I would be a very rich woman. But I will also tell you that after taking feedback from hundreds and hundreds of clients, it’s rare they feel fireworks on the very first date. Chemistry can be misleading as well – what you’re usually physically attracted to isn’t always the greatest long term potential. When hormones get in the way of logically compatibility, it’s not a recipe for success either. As cliché as it sounds, looks will fade and then, what are you left with? Do yourself a favor and give it a few dates to see if something deeper develops!
Moral of the story
Keep an open mind, talk on the phone and go on more second and third dates in a reasonable time period. You’re dating because what you’ve tried in the past hasn’t worked out, so try a new approach!
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